Dolce & Gabbana Fall Campaign: The Madonna Whore Complex

Ahhhh, I do love it when new campaign photo's land in my inbox. It's like a cat receiving a big red ball of string. Time to sharpen those acrylics! And what better way to start than with yet another (yawn) homoerotic campaign, complete with Madonna's brand new ego booster, Jesus Luz, bare chested and oiled up.

Like Madonna herself, D&G 'need' their gays approval and I'm sure this campaign will garner their attention spans until a new Minogue single comes out. I am not going to even try to figure out what the actual storyline is. Frankly, does anyone care?

Some blazers in there tho... See, I said something nice.

Caution! Your Brain May Ejaculate...

The announcement of celeb design collaboration usually result's in a roll of the eyes, a flick to the next page, or a boredom related coma (i.e. Lauren Conrad's collection). But the announcement of Kanye's shoe line for LV last year actually sounded promising (sort of.... like the announcement of a new flavour walkers crisps), and the results, J.O.F! (Jaw on Floor)

The fusion of trainer and loafer styles is making my plastic wanna' go spastic! Tasseled shoe laces, neon, colour blocking... so fresh.
Want.



Update!!: Hot new promo vid from the LV emporium.

Mandal Crush!!!: Do Me Demeulemeester!

A: Just in time for Spring! An irrational want! One that be completely unjustifiable in the face of economic turmoil. One that goes with nothing in my wardrobe. One that I will probably look at next year, and edit in to my Fash Faux Pas pile (also known as the 'yellow bin liner'). But such is the charm of these Demeulemeester mandals that evokes my plastic fantastic from its wallet!

A/W 09-10 Preview: Band Of Outsiders Kill It(!!) in NY

A: For once it's nice to see that in a combined presentation of both men's & women's attire that the male counterparts don't merely act as background wallpaper, but actually hold their own in the midst of a sea of Manolo designed stilettos and pinstripe tights. I haven't even broken in my Topman deckies and BOA already have me drooling over suede boot options. Also, the camel toggle blazer.... SQUEAL!!!

High street take note: Look. Think. Copy.

(Click Pics to Enlarge)




A: OK so maybe the whole chequered suit is a tad Huggy Bear, but worn separately, I see potential...

Berlin Film Festival

C: The Berlin Film Festival, or Berlinale as it should properly be called, is a big deal. It's the largest publicly attended film festival in the world, and every year its red carpets see some decent A-list shoe leather. It's also a massive industry event...so everyone dresses up real nice to impress the moguls with moolah. Lily Cole, Kate Winslet and Tilda (surname not needed) lead the way for the ladies, whilst I found these gents who'd scrubbed up nice...

C: All very tone-on-tone sober from Francois Ozon, Clive Owen & Keanu. Looks which can easily be copied by any gent with access to a city centre H&M. But a Gold Bear goes to the lovely Gael for this black number fizzed up with a sassy belt.
A: Dear Keanu. Please refrain from future attempts to cover up your kangaroo pounch with a wide tie. Also, get your hair did. Remember, you are in Europe now, we have standards.

Berlin Fashion Week A/W 09/10: Bernard Wilhelm

A: Sometimes there is nothing like a big ol' dollop of seventies gay porn with my Italian roast espresso and bagel to start the week. Salopettes, skin tights synthetics and a cameo from Aphex Twin (Bottom picture, 2nd from the right) were on the menu in this collection, inspired by the 1976 Innsbruck winter Olympics... whatever that means... (Click pics to enlarge)

A: So far, so east London meets Vauxhall. Not entirely sure whether that's a good or bad thing.

C: It's a bad thing. Never the twain. It's like cats breading with dogs. No. No. No.

A: Double zipped ponchos. Love.

C: It's a joke right? One of those funny German jokes?

A: Tiered. Synthetic. Dungarees. What else is there to say really. Not even the sight of Aphex Twin in Olympic gear & a German bear can stop my eyes from drowning in that navy disaster.

C: If you could freeze vomit and spin it to make thread, these are the kind of clothes that would result. Get me two tampons for my poor bleeding eyes. Quick!

Let's Toggle!

A: Hey dah-lings! Good Jan/Feb? Didn't think so. You would think with the challenge of the big black tidal of a problem called the 'recession', the high street would try to entice the average male consumer with better than sub-par reinterpretations of previous years trends. Thus we have the ever-dreaded 'transitional' phase. So it's up to peeps like moi & C to find some golden threads in the tumbleweed haystacks amounting across high streets around the world. One cute mini-trend that can be eyeballed currently is the duffle coat, especially in the cropped variation, which is actually a nice little alternative for those of us who don't suit Barbour coats (or just can't be bothered to wax them...)

From Left to Right: Topman, Some Catalogue (?!), Asos.com

C: And what about this moody number, from a British label that's new to me, Fullcircle. Browsing their site, that little word that means so much was never far from my lips: WANT

Revolting or Revolution?

Very limited availability from Oki-ni

 

C: My stomach turned. Everything I hold dear drowned in a stiff puddle of denim gathering about the model's arse. It's 10 years since Levi launched the first engineered, twisted leg jean. To mark the anniversary, they've unleashed this creation. I've been expecting the demise of the skinny leg for a while now, but truly - tell me this isn't the future? Gag. 

Drop dead gorgeous

C: In Minority Report Samantha Morton lounged about in an industrial bath dreaming about future murders, before grassing up the soon-to-be killer to the authorities. Well, I expect Tom Cruise will be knocking on my door at any moment, because the first guy I see wearing a pair of these will be getting dragged into the bushes. 

Drop-crotch shorts by Phillip Lim

Hit the Decks Boys

C: As with skinny jeans and the white school plimsole, what seems ubiquitous now once sat several seasons on the shelves with no one buying (apart from those surfing the fashion forward). Deck shoes are nothing new of course, but last summer there was a huge increase in available colours and variations on the basic design. There wasn't much take up.

However in the past few months, what was once the preserve of Polo wearing yahoos and jocks, has been increasing spotted dangling from indie gents' pale, limp ankles, usually very worn-looking almost to the point of disintegration. The deck shoe looks certain to replace the tired old plimmy as slip-on of choice. Get wearing now to achieve that desirable knackered look - nothing better than snow and salt to ruin a shoe!

From top: Sebago £119; ASOS £40; Superga £115; Topman £45

A: Well, if we are being totally frank, C&A are a bit late on this one, but before you all start flicking your weaves in utter disgust...... Just know that your beloved bloggers were probably pre-occupied with dumping those post Xmas muffin tops from their torsos. Ciao!

Yay or Nay: Transparent Converse.

A: While perusing the online isles for a new pair of neutral canvas soles (for those moments where you just have to just throw a pair on and jump in to your awaiting taxi), I stumbled across these babies. I just can't seem to make up my mind about them; Are they an amazing accessory with a thousand styling options or just plain tacky? You decide!

poll by twiigs.com

Celebresayce!: American Music Awards

A: Nick Lachey is always consistent, and by that I mean his outfits work like a double dose of Valium on me. Inducing me into a peaceful 8 hour coma. What is up with those cheap looking M&S pants too, did he not have time to go to the tailor's earlier to get them tapered?



A: When you are Mariah's bitch, you better friggin' co-ordinate. Or else she'll bust your eardrum in under 5 seconds flat. Snaps for the piped blazer and pocket square though.



A: Blazer & Hoody..... This is something you would wear to pop to the shops on the weekend. Wise up Luv & get your shit together! Vamos!



A: Suits in shiny fabrics are a big thing this season it seems. Unfortunately, when paired with over 200 flashing cameras on the red carpet, the results can be like putting tin foil in a microwave, disastrous. I am loving the guy on the far right's navy/yellow collegiate blazer though.

A: I am L.O.V.I.N.G Chris Brown's outfit here. Especially the 08' update on the stale 'waistcoat & blazer' formula by adding a gorgeous quilted black bomber instead. The shades are 'tres' adorable too.
A: I have still not decided whether I love or hate Kanye's ensemble here. I guess what's killing the look for me is that hideous camo hat he is wearing. Seriously, where did he get that thing? It looks like something in half off bin at an old navy outlet!

A: Although, not entirely perfect (what's up with the 'Gambino' pin stripe suit in the middle?). This group ensemble puts the Jones Brothers in my good books, the prince of wales check suit and the DB blazer are correct. The shoes on the other hand... not so much.... Jazz brogues are so 06'..

H&M Spring 09' Preview!

A: Before I have even had a chance to stuff a Hannuka Doughnut down my mouth, I am alredy planning my summer wardrobe! Fresh out of a sweatshop in Thailand is the new preview catalogue for H&M. Be. Excited.

Slim fit suits, neon bright trousers & shorts, structured sports jackets & a big dollop of neautrals seem to be on the menu for the high street giant for summer 09'. Here our some of our fave picks. Click Pics to Enlarge

Birds of a Feather at British Fashion Awards

C: Like bird tables, designers attract all sorts of wildlife. Unlike bird tables (although often with similar IQs), designers can choose which birds peck at their nuts. Now who got the pigeon and who got the peacock here...?

   Giles Deacon & friend at the BFA

Matthew Williams & friend at the BFA

Hot for '09!: Matthew Williamson for H&M & Balmain Menswear!

A: It seems more and more big designer labels are realizing the potential in the men's market. Since last week's report, discovering a growth in men's high street retailers, Matthew Williamson, Roland Mouret & Balmain have announced menswear lines for their '09 collections. Matthew Williamson will introduce his first ever menswear range as part of a capsule collection he is creating for H&M for Spring Summer '09 (expect tropical G.A.Y[!!!] prints & short shorts). Christpoper Decarnin is said to be introducing menswear into his Fall '09 collection, which will be presented in January - here's hoping that he can translate that 'fabulously trashy' look into menswear without making us look like rent boy versions of Ziggy Stardust. Finally, it is yet unknown when Roland Mouret plans to debut his menswear, but no doubt, his collection is sure to provide us some hot new tailoring options!

CelebreSayce!: Grand Opening of Atlantis, The Palm Resort and the Palm Jumeirah

A: In our little corner of the world, there is no better way to end the week than a bit of celeb thrashing. Yesterday the Grand Opening of the Atlantis man made island/resort took place, and besides big wads of cash being thrown around once the TP started running low, a few well known personalities decided to pop over for a few (and by pop over, I mean 'paid six figure sums...').

While the ladies had fash pack heavyweights Aggy, Kylie, Charlize etc, batting on their side, The men had...

A: Cute. Effective. Appropriate. Albert Hammond Jr. looks rather fetching here, I am especially loving the over sized velvet bow tie. Keep him in line Aggy!

A: Now let's imagine the conversation Janet and producer hubby Jermaine Dupri had while getting ready

Dupri: Yo Janet!
Janet: Miss Jackson if ur Nasty!
Dupri: What to wear tonight?
Janet:Hmmmmmmm.... You need to try being a bit more like that Kanye boy. He got style and he be rockin' the geek chic thang! Here... try these on!
Dupri: But Miss Jackson, these glasses are too small.
Janet: Bitch(!), do as you're told! Now go put on that white tux jacket Diddy gave you for christmas..

A: Hrrrrrrrrnnnnnnkkkkk!!!!! Somebody needs to send Mr. Snipes back to prison for this heinous ensemble. And the shoes....... did he pick them up at "Pimps'R'Us" or something? Unforgivable.



A: Ahhhh... The age old sartorial mistake of wearing too many stand out items in one outfit. The Velvet Blazer. The paisley print shirt. The shiny slim fit trouser. Individually 'tres'. Together 'trop'. But who gives a shit when you have Daisy Lowe (looking effortlessly amazing) on your shoulder.

Versayce's Armagaddon European Tour: Part 2, Berlin

C: A plague of British trendos and musos are flocking to Berlin's cheap, spacious apartments and haunting its relaxed and extensive nightlife as they flee the polar opposite at home. Our presence has been noted, and we're to blame for buy/renting stuff and making prices creep up. Well, hello - you remember the European Union right? You've always been really keen on it. Freedom of movement and capital ring any bells?? Well, this is it. DEAL!

If Vice magazine were a soap opera, London would be its script writer but Berlin would be its set. Here's a quick look at what I found for the casting couch. Photographs courtesy of the gorgeous folk from Stil in Berlin and Street Clash (see Cuff Links).

Click images for a better look

C: I was resistant to the whole Docs revival that began last year. I give in.
A: Yawn.

C: Quiddich aside, this chap exhibits a real sense of style, avoiding any obvious trends whilst still looking fresh. And that, for me, sums up the best of the best in Berlin.
A: Something kinda Ooh(!!!) indeed! This guy's look is fresher than a jewish bagel on a Sunday morning. 11 out of 10!

C: You know, it's so-so until the socks. Then it rocks.
A: So. Ok. This guy looks good, but not amazing. I bet anyone a Larry Clark dvd that this guy spent a good 30 minutes in the mirror perfecting the sock-boot-trou section. Oh, and lose that stupid hat.

C: This is either suffocatingly backward looking. Or so cool that I don't get it 'cus I'm just not in that league. I suspect it's the latter.
A: Take away the pimp coat and replace those H.I.D.E.O.U.S boots with some chillaxed plimsoles and we might have a winning look on our hands. For now, somebody please tell 'Huggy Bear' to get off the the street corner before I get all 'Shaft' on his ass!

C: Me and this guy have SO got to meet and swap fugits (fucking ugly knits). They're sartorial one-trick ponies: one wear and it's OVA.
A: Ferosh! Last year.

Cashmere Revolution

Double-brested trenches by Topman

C: Topman have got a bit of a cheek passing these lovely military coats off as "cashmere". Woven with only 8% of the prized goats' fluff, they ought to re-label them as part of their Homoeopathic Range. Who am I to split hairs, eh?, for they are magnificent-looking winter warmers and if the firsts blasts of the evil season are anything to go by, we'll need them. With one of these on your back, winter can go kiss its own ice-hole.

Let's Hear it for the Boyzzzzz!

A: After decades of being overshadowed by all fabrics and cuts of the feminine kind, with the help of a good old economic downturn, us dependable men are finally being thrown a bone. According to DNR, in the last three months, stores ranging from Hennes & Mauritz and Topman to Mango and New Look have launched or revamped their men’s collections, opened men’s-only flagship stores or tapped high-end fashion designers for collaboration lines.

You see, unlike women, men are much more reliable shoppers. Since we don't really tend to window shop and rarely return stuff (at least not until we have worn it and got pics on facebook in it). It's about time we get the same treatment that the ladies have been recieving over the past few years and start getting more high fashion pieces at reduced prices.

So, the only question remaining now is...Which 'High Street & Designer' collaboration will we be recieving in the near future? Kris Van Asche for River Island? Tom Ford for Burton? Anne Demuelemeester for New Look? Highly doubtful, but the prospects for my wardrobe are just that little bit brighter.

C: Giles Deacon for New Look men's wear hits the shops this month. Although the very limited selection of pieces I saw previewed didn't quite have me dying to throw caution to the crunch, it's certainly a welcome sign of things to come.

Crunch Bites Bag Lady

NYC, last week

C: Sheee-it. You know times are tough when even KL's hitting the market for a knocked-off Chanel bag.
A: He was probably just seeking some inspiration for his new line, Chanel Unlimited C (see below). Duh!

Dead Classay Me!

See.Love.Buy

ASOS Tailored Slim Fit Double Breasted Jacket £75.00

C: Cute, versatile & cheap? Does it come in white with a 30 inch waist and a GSOH? 

New Kid On The (Chopping) Block: Carlos Campos

Selections from Carlos Campos A/W 08'. Available at ForwardForward

(Click to enlarge)

A: While gallivanting through the pages of Revolution's online answer to Dover St. Market, ForwardForward, I stumbled across new Mexican designer Carlos Campos. Faster than a pensioner could yell 'HBOS!', I did a double take, grabbed my plastic and rammed it into my USB drive. Then I discovered US sites don't do Maestro ;(

Seriously though, this guys jackets are simple to D.I.E! The tailoring feels fresh without being garish and since it's a new designer (that Topman hasn't hired...yet!), you will probably be the only one wearing within a 20ft radius.

Here is a taste of his S/S 09 collection.

Carlos Campos S/S 09

(Click to enlarge)

A: Pretty Fa-rosh(!!) don't you think?

C: Mr Blue Jacket, did you get that forehead from Babylon 5 costume department, wtf?! Agree 100% - this guy's tailoring is hotter than camel shit.  

Even Mama Wintour Approves!

A: This may not be to everyone's liking (yes C, I am partially referring to you) and it may not really work off the catwalk, but who cares? J'adore & please gimme more Campos!

C: A, you don't need no more. You're campos enough. 

Shop till you rot

C: Some have a strange, dark love for the smell of petrol, others for the aroma of a Starbuck's goat's milk choco-moco-latte, and more than a few for heady testosterone stench of a locker room. Here at Maison Versayce nous adorons the light whiff of rooms packed with rails of rotting clobber, aka vintage stores. On a recent, rare meeting of C&A in London, we went on the sartorial equivalent of a pub crawl getting giddy (and giggly) on London's finest thrift threads...try saying that after you've had 7 Babychams!

21st Century Retro
162 Holloway Rd (Tube: Highbury & Islington)

C: My personal favourite. It's cheap (£5-15), well stocked with high-quality gear, not too many people know about it and they play wonderfully obscure music. They happily ignore you whilst you spend 2 hours rail-raiding. At the moment, they've got the best selection of Scandinavian knits I've seen in any shop. There's no sign outside, so look for the CND logo (see photo above!).

A: A total thrift 'haven' & an absolute must for those of you who get a perverse sensation from the scent of damp, smelly tweeds. It's never overflowing with Peaches/Sienna/Doperty wannadies, it's perfect for last minute weekend outfit tweaking and staff are actually friendly & helpful when needed. Extra points for fantastic scarf selection.

The Brick Lane Thrift Store
68 Sclater Street (off Brick Lane)

C: Don't be put off by the presence of the odd intimidating looking trendo. They're actually really friendly in here. No really! Excellent selection of scarves, ties and belts.

A: I have to disagree on the ties C, unless you like wide ones with Looney Toons characters on them. Amazing for belts though, I dare you to come out without one.

Sam Greenberg Vintage
64-66 Sclater Street (off Brick Lane)

C: If we tell you this place is bargain central, please don't all rush at once. Leave something for us! Greenberg has the vintage concession at the back of Topman Oxford Street, and what doesn't sell there gets heavily reduced and fetches up here. Great jackets to be found for only £10.

A: Some real finds in this store, good jacket/coat and bag selection. The one big problem here though, is the slightly effed up size selection. A beautiful 10 quid blazer is useless with a 46" chest size.

Rokit Vintage
107 Brick Lane

C: Rokit is the M&S of vintage shops in the Brick Lane area. Consistent stock, good basics, no surprises, and lots of ties. It also comes at a bit of a premium compared to other shops.

A: The legendary Brick Lane vintage Momma. Fabulous. Ten years ago. Since then the prices have skyrocketed and all the good stuff is probably on hold for fashion mags and celeb stylists. You are better off going to the Covent Garden/Camden branches which have better selections at more reasonable prices.

Beyond Retro
110-112 Cheshire Street (off Brick Lane)

C: I want to loath Beyond. It rings the cliche bells of retro like a cathedral to old clothes: there's the 80s arcade game in the corner, wonky photocopied flyers for hot new underground club nights, effortlessly cool staff with tattoos, the cabinets of 50s-esque kitsch and acetate jewelry, the wicker hamper of 1000&1 bold-print scarves. It ticks all the boxes, screws up the form and throws it at their mate getting the next round at the bar. But boy they have decent vintage shoes and while most stores are 95% crap 98% of the time, stunning quirky pieces crop up on their rails with almost supernatural frequency. G..ggg..ggggot to love 'em. Gah!

A: I dare any of you to come out of this store empty handed. The prices are pretty average for London vintage and are you always sure to come out with a winning ensemble. It's also pretty good for an eye wank on the weekend, with a swarm of St. Martin's students descending on the store in there finest garbs.

These Boots Were Made For Mincing (and that's just what we'll do...)

A: A while back we showed you guys a few sole flavoured treats to warm up our winter. Well guess what? It's still cold, in fact, I just cut a steak with my nipple. Unfortunately, this season the high street seems to have maxed out all its resources in the 'Homme' department making all things plaid & slim fit.

The boot department as a result, has been severely lacking. Mainly consisting of clunky 'Westwood-esque' copies & sheepskin lined monstrosities that are mostly suited to those who favour a *take a deep breath* worker style jean *exhale*. Looks like you are going to give your loved ones lumps of coal this Xmas if want any of the following babies (apart from the ASOS grey suede boots, only 45 pounds, the cost of a 'good' night out).

From Top to Bottom: Alexander Mcqueen, Balenciaga (both available at Browns), Asos, Narrative, Narrative

Obama-Win Kenobi, you're our only hope

C: "Walk on water Obama! Walk!!"

In this allegorical picture BO is depicted as a Jesus/Kanye West chimera, whilst the gays (represented by the giddy white horse of course) dance at his right elbow in anticipation of a MASSIVE party. In his hand he holds a blingin' gold buckle: the security of the Western banking system, safe in his hands, even if a bit wet.

However, a cynical undertone is sounded by the presences of flying roses, paraphrasing the chorus of the Outkast hit Caroline: I know you like to think yo shit don't stank, but lean a little bit closer, see, roses still smell like boo-boo-boo - a warning that once these fizzy waters settle, the scales will fall from our eyes and we'll see once again that all politicians are made of the same do-do.

But for now, from C&A...may the Force be with you BO (ps where's the party gonna be, we wanna ride on a white horse???)

A: Speak for yourself C, I'm voting for Oprah!

Tick My Box Santa!

Timex digitals available at Asos

C: I love love love these. I love these with the Force, to the power 3, and with all the Honour of Grey Skull. My grandparents face a 3-day eBay auction so I can snaffle the lot. You see Elton John may not know how to dress, but the bastard sure knows how to shop: one in every colour shopkeeper and don't spare the horses.

My favourite two are the white and gold, because they look - well, so CHEAP! Santa listen up: make my stocking digital this Christmas and see if I can't give a quick "digital" present of my own for your trouble.



A: Haven't Urban Outfitters been stocking these since Cokate was dating Johnny Depp? There is a thin line between cute cheap and just N.A.S.T.Y, and the white one not only crosses it, it stampedes through it like a council mum on the first day of sale at Mk One. Love the Grey & Aqua colored ones though.... I want this for christmas santa baby....

Chanel + Sartorialist = IGN*!!!!!!

A: Perk up kids! Hanukkah has come early this year!!! Everyone's favourite drool inducing men's style blog 'The Sartorialist' has teamed up with papa Karl to showcase some of the ever elusive Chanel menswear looks. Every season a few looks are thrown our way on the catwalk, but are rarely seen off it. The tweed coats are so 'tres'... The pearls on the other hand, 'trop'. Men in nan's favourites just screams Dr. Frankenfurter...

C: Karl 4 Sartorialist, you say, A? Looks more like Karl 4 M&S. Snooze et frites, chere Karl. Snooze et frites.

*Involuntary Gay Noise

A: And here's a little something spooky for you...


A:.... A picture of Julien Macdonald.... See kids, fashion can be scary....

I'm Sorry, Was That Yours?: Topman vs. Marc by Marc Jacobs

A: Oooooo, don't you just love a cute wearable knock off?! Snatch this baby for 30 pounds. Although, I must caution you, it's only a matter of time before you'll be seeing this piece on every Tom, Dick and 'Mary'. Useful tip: Buy it now. Wear it once. Get pics of you in it on Facebook. Pass it on to someone else for Xmas. Easy.

Gift Ideas for Him: Heidi Mottram's Eel Skin Leather Goods

A: Gawd! It's not even Halloween yet, and they are already turning on the Christmas lights! Crunch or no Crunch, we still want to see something shiny under that tree come December. All those of you who are thinking of getting your beloved male friend/relative/partner a handy wallet, guess what. We already have at least 3. Heidi Mottram's eel skin wallet designs would be a hot little alternative to most of the high street fodder in coin catching department. They are relatively cheap for exotic skinned accessories and come in a multitude of colours and designs.

Ukranian Fashion Week S/S 09: Vincent Willem Warner

A: Hey Guess what people. It's Ukrainian fashion week! What you didn't hear? Neither did I. But since Eastern Europe is where the money's at, that's where I'll be, although I'm not sure I'll be rocking any of the looks shown at Willem Warner's show, for fear of accidentally turning out tricks to oligarchs while standing in line for my Starbucks. Let's take a closer look...


A: OK so the pants are hideous, and if we actually saw anyone in them, we would probably call the Folice, but the knitted top is pretty endearing. It would probably be even better if it was simply hooded, but hey, anything for a mention in the press right?!
C: Does he have a lobster down his pants to complete the red theme? Sure looks like it.


A: White on White = Sin. Even though I love the neckline on the top, the whole look overall just makes me want to detonate a cruise ship!
C: You see, I don't mind the white on white. What I do find turns my face vinegar-sour are those vile trainers. Like buying a gorgeous cake from Parisian patisserie and topping it with squirty cream.
A: Wow. Unbuttoned cuffs. Controversy.

A: Whoa.... Let's take 2 steps back shall we? I am guessing this is what straight jackets would look like if Julian McDonald designed them. I am sure his donning one right now in his tanning coffin.
C: Excuse me, how you gonna pick up your glass of Cristal in that get-up dahling? Exactly.

A: Sorry Mr. Willem Warner, the N'Sync look won't be retro for at least another 10 years.
C: I love how these models have waists like butchers' wives.

A:.... The problem with thi.. Oh Whatev's...

The Air Kissing Dance, courtesy of Tom & Karl.

A: Every once in a while, we all like a little fusion on our plate. For some it might be a serving of sushi with a side of salsa sauce, for others it may be pairing a vintage tee with a well tailored blazer. But for me there is nothing better than watching 2 divo's try and out gay one another in a verbal fuckfest of flattery. A few weeks ago fash legends Tom Ford & Karl Lagerfeld did an interview with Time magazine, mainly focusing on promoting Ford's menswear line. Here are some snippets with additional commentary from C&A.

Karl: Tom's clothes have nothing to do with the old clothes. It's the idea of them. It shares the mood. But in fact they are made differently, and also, in ready-to-wear, this kind of quality didn't exist. They are beautifully made. They are weightless on the body.

Tom: Well, thank you, Karl.

A: Airkisses galore!
C: Air-rim more like. I do hope they flossed after that disgusting display of verbal ass-hole munching.

Karl: But when you wear them, you don't feel like they are English clothes because those are heavy. I like that you took that mood and used another technique. It's like Chanel.

A: Me, Me, Me, Me, MEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure you don’t forget that Chanel makes the best clothes in the world kids, otherwise uncle Karl will put a double c’ed lump of coal in your sock this xmas.
C: Can you imagine how much that lump of coal would sell for on eBay?! I was told Chanel do a daft product every year. I'm trying to track down the CC boomerang at the moment. Truefact readers.

Tom: It's true. A lot of people think a high armhole is restrictive, but it gives you total movement because it's cut right up to your arm.

A: There is nothing like a sharp dagger wedged in between your armpit and chest, it’s really a sign of high quality tailoring when your blazer cuts off the blood supply to your arms. It creates a comfortably numb sensation. Duh!

You can read the full interview here.

Pins and needles

C: Three things which determine if a man is still eligible to wear skinny jeans. 1) Age 2) Being in rock'n'roll. 3) Having the BMI of a heroin addict. La Moss' last be-dicked accessory scored 3 out of 3. Congratulations Pete, you're a winner. Jamie, with his 1 out of 3, is looking a bit sausage-legged and desperately "youthful". But check the double-breasted pin-stipped suit jacket!! 80's stockbroker is a look so ironically now! BUY BUY BUY!!!

A: The things men will do for a piece of Kate. Squirt crack blood on oil canvases, Make horrible covers of good 60's songs, the list goes on..... Shoving toothpaste back into a tube ala Mr. Kills seems like an easy break here... Unfortunately, despite the lush DB piece, that fringe needs a serious work over, what did he cut it with? A machete?

Boot-y call

C: Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious by this selection of boots from the highstreet. By some act of necromancy it seems shoe designers knew universal poverty was on its merry way, and have provided the crunched consumer with the some lickable boots that shout poverty proudly: step forward the hob-nail boot. Your time is now.

From top: Costume Nation, Hudson, Hudson, Marc Jacobs, private joke

Versayce's Armagaddon European Tour: Part 1, Venice

C: Doom! Doom! Listen to it, sounding out wherever you turn like a deafening cathedral bell. Doom! The world's ending. It's everywhere: western banks are disintegrating like Hobnobs in hot tea, the country keeps flooding like some incontinent old tramp, the ice caps are now mere kippahs, kids glibly killing each other like they're living out Grand Theft Auto and global warming has yet again failed to provide us with a decent summer. Doom! So, before this 8 billion car pile-up happens on Global Highway 66 - I'm flicking two-fingers up to it all and going on some holidays. First stop Venice! After all, with these rising oceans, it'll be a baroque Atlantis before November's out. Here's my fash report...

No one actually lives in Venice, you know. It's a just ceaseless tide of tourists, coming in by train, coach and monster sea liners which must appear like a fridge-freezer does to an ant. I think even the people serving in bars and shops are bused in every morning from the Slovakian boarder. Do you equate tourists with style? I do not. Tourists dress for *gag* comfort. Comfort may be easy on the body, but it's is an offence to the eyes. Look...
And that's despite:
Clearly some potential, but no evidence of style anywhere, despite 3 days walking the streets. The only thing that's idiosyncratic in the sartorial life of Venice, to its waterways (and probably its gay saunas) are the gondoliers. After some years of getting away with wearing what they liked (t-shirts with the slogan "We're raping your wallet" perhaps?), they must now sport a strict traditional uniform, which has a simple charm and shows off their big arms.

And that's about it. Slim pickings, eh? Next stop: Berlin!

High Street Tailoring Picks: Topman Design & Burton Heritage

From Left: Topman Design Suit, Burton Heritage Suit

A: Let's face it kids, if ya ain't got no dolla in that pocket, finding a well tailored, adequately fitted and good quality suit on the high street is not a simple task. In fact, it would probably easier and cheaper to buy a scabby old vintage suit, get it dry cleaned and heavily altered. But who has the time or patience (besides shopaholic whores like us...). While scouring the online shop offerings of some of British retails biggest players, I stumbled across these 2 fantastic examples of affordable modern tailoring.

The first suit (on the left), is a snow flecked tweed suit with skinny trousers and satin lapels, which add a soft luxurious touch to the rough texture of the jacket. The trousers are quite versatile and could be worn for work on their own and then with the jacket for evening affairs.

The second suit consists of a double breasted prince of wales check jacket from Burton's new Heritage line alongside slim fit trousers which should provide a nice alternative to all those pinstripe single breasted debaucheries you may have noticed on the bus/tube to work.

C: Guys are weirdly snobbish about high street brands. Most women I know would shrivel and die if cut off from their constant feed of cheap rags from Primark and New Look etc. Well, maybe with this recession snapping at our heels, more men will get over themselves and take a look in "lepar" shops like Burton, New Look, Next, Littlewoods. Burton, has really turned its game around over the past 4 years, so go have a look and see what you've been missing. It's new Heritage line, joining the Black Label line is something only those with more money than sense should turn their noses up at.

Dicing the Collections: Thom Browne S/S 2009

A: Thom Browne, the man responsible for the 'shrunken suit' look (mid wrist jackets, calf length trousers) showed his new collection in NY this month, and the results were unfortunately more mixed than a bag of revels (come on, you know you only have two flavours in mind when you buy that packet). The tennis themed collection more often than not was just simply ridic!

A: Romper suits, Tulle underskirts paired with blazers, bath robes dressed up with evening coats? WTF?! Don't get me wrong, I love innovation in menswear and most of my blazers barely graze my elbow but come on.... Is this man trying to create new wearable looks for us or just trying to grab some column inches. Desperately TTH (trying too hard)!!!

C: Model 3 from the left's face sums it all up: I feel more of a dick than an army tent full of Thai whores.

A: Tennis skirts for men, haven't we seen those before? Oh yeah, on your average Wednesday Tranny themed night at your local gay hot spot! Unfortunately, most of the men rocking this mishap will be 40 year old men who chose to find a new 'softer' self rather than buy a Porsche during their mid life crisis. And the trousers hanging off the balls, to quote Project Runway judge Nina Garcia "I have alot of problems with this look, that's just the tip of the iceberg".

But not all was bad...


A: Nautical jackets with silk piping, short suits with fabulous prints , jacquard printed fabrics all served as fresh, easy(er) to wear looks that wouldn't bring on the gay bashing outside of major capital cities. I am particularly loving the belted detail on the jacquard shorts.

C: Model far left - "Lawyer seeks buxom dominatrix for naughty school boy spanking sessions"


A: The accessories were rather cute too, although nothing to really worth getting wrinkles over... The patent toe caps idea could have been pushed a bit further... Perhaps some 2 toned ones next season please?

Oh and one last thing....


A: I'm sorry, but I'm completely at loss about what to say about this outfit, since I have gone spontaneously blind, C help me out here please...

C: 40-Hate, Mr Browne.